Tassers and Sue Ann

Tassers and Sue Ann
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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I Don't Recognize Myself Anymore

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post.  Think I just need to sort out some puzzling, rather disturbing thoughts I've had going on for quite some time.  Keeping these musings to myself has not resulted in any positive action to change who I've become, so maybe going public will help.  I've been trying to figure out how to reinvent myself for years . . . anyone have a clue as to how that happens?  I was diagnosed with recurrent major depression in 1998 and with the struggles to survive the abysmal black pit of despair that accompanies each meltdown, I've degenerated into a slug zombie.  I once was an active, responsible, fairly organized, caring individual who could get things done when called upon.  I could cook for my family, keep a neat (maybe not squeaky clean) house, pursue hobbies, and hold down a full-time job outside the home.  No more.  At age 70, I now can barely manage to get basic necessities taken care of . . . like laundry, grocery shopping, feeding my husband and pets.  I'll post again on this subject - or maybe not - but perhaps I've started a new direction in trying to make the time I have left on this earth a little more productive.  

7 comments:

  1. Hi Sue. Sometimes its enough to just be. Hope things work out, take care.

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  2. Hi Sue!
    I have always loved your fabulous bears!!!
    Many many people are trying to cope with depression at some level in this fast world we live in today and it must be sooo hard.
    Maybe giving yourself a little challenge of say creating a new creature or using a different technique and just seeing what happens....playing around.....may spark that zest for life and ignite a passion for things again.
    Just remember you are a fantastic bear maker and have so much more to discover.....
    Takecare and be happy!!
    I will send you a BIG SMILE :)
    Hugs Lindaxx

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  3. Thank you, Amanda and Linda, for your comments. Just within the last couple of days, I've gotten three orders for bears . . . isn't that amazing? I appreciate your thoughts and guess I will get started on those bears.

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  4. Sue Ann, Not sure if you remember me, but I am one of the Kathys from Louan's show. I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I always think of you as the sweetest bear lady that I know. My prayers are with you that God will bring you through this dark time and enjoy your life and creativity again. I know how difficult going through dark times are having been through some myself. I know how scary it is not to really know how to proceed back to your old self. I will keep you in my prayers my sweet friend.

    Kathy Casey

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  5. Yes, Kathy, I certainly do remember you! One of the things I enjoyed about Luann's shows was that she had such nice people associated with it and it was always fun! Thank you for your kind message - I appreciate so much your thoughts and support. I hope life is good for you now and that at some point, we'll cross each other's paths again.

    Sue Ann

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  6. I have depression but do not use medication and there was a time in my life when I was sure a trained ape could do everything I could do. When you have your next good day make a list of things to do instead of letting it get you.Do anything you have total power over like pulling weeds or washing dishes and by taking action you will get back some of your power and will not feel so powerless.try to laugh about something several times a day as well.Laughter is very healing.

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  7. Hi Sue - I happened upon your blog because I was looking for a bear pattern (yours are gorgeous by the way).
    I know its a couple of years since you wrote about your depression and I really hope you have come through it unscathed.
    I was diagnosed with depression over 25 years ago and like you I have been trying to reinvent myself over the past couple of years. My depression is generally triggered by very stressful situations which take me through the worry stage, then it spirals into depression. We all experience stress but the trick is to stop the worry before it gets out of hand.
    I have always been very independent and find it hard to ask for help - this I am changing and it does help to discuss problems with others who can give you experienced advice. I have also been using brain entrainment cd's which I find are helpful for relaxation. Helping others in any way can be useful too. I have also decided to put myself first sometimes and do the things that give me joy. Laugh laugh laugh - movies, shows, friends.... the best medicine. I know sometimes it is hard to motivate yourself especially when you are at your lowest, but you have sometimes got to tell yourself to get going, no matter how hard it is - no one else can do it for you. Good luck x
    Margie

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