Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I Don't Recognize Myself Anymore
I'm not sure where I'm going with this post. Think I just need to sort out some puzzling, rather disturbing thoughts I've had going on for quite some time. Keeping these musings to myself has not resulted in any positive action to change who I've become, so maybe going public will help. I've been trying to figure out how to reinvent myself for years . . . anyone have a clue as to how that happens? I was diagnosed with recurrent major depression in 1998 and with the struggles to survive the abysmal black pit of despair that accompanies each meltdown, I've degenerated into a slug zombie. I once was an active, responsible, fairly organized, caring individual who could get things done when called upon. I could cook for my family, keep a neat (maybe not squeaky clean) house, pursue hobbies, and hold down a full-time job outside the home. No more. At age 70, I now can barely manage to get basic necessities taken care of . . . like laundry, grocery shopping, feeding my husband and pets. I'll post again on this subject - or maybe not - but perhaps I've started a new direction in trying to make the time I have left on this earth a little more productive.